Language Barriers

I do not speak Spanish.  I am trying my best to learn but this is the first time in my life I have even considered taking it on and it takes a long time and a lot of practice to actually figure it out.  I applaud anyone who can learn languages.  It’s tough and if you can do it be proud of yourself.  I am smart, I have never struggled in school, I never had to study for tests and so it is endlessly disappointing to me that I am having such a hard time being able to figure out this new language.  I am trying really hard and it is just not sticking.

Before coming here I had so many people ask “Do you speak Spanish?” My reply of course was “No” which they would immediately follow with “oh you should learn” …yes thank you for that helpful advice.  I knew it was not going to be easy moving to a country that speaks a different language but honestly I thought I would be OK.  Thank you Hollywood for making me believe no matter where you go in the world you will always meet beautiful strangers who speak English!  I was fooled, its all lies.  When you travel to parts of the world where English is not the spoken language be prepared to be faced with a lot of strange looks and cocked heads as you attempt to communicate.

In the 7 months I have been here there have been a very small handful of Spanish people that know a little bit of English and a few people from outside the country that I have met and collected as my group of English speakers to hang out with.  I have found in the bigger cities like Madrid and Barcelona there are more people who know some English but in the smaller towns you would be lucky to find one.  Makes sense I mean I am in Spain, they speak Spanish.  It has made my transition here quite a challenge though.  One thing I will say though is that when you do meet a Spaniard who speaks English they will try their hardest no matter their level to communicate with you in English.  It is pretty amazing how accommodating they are to me.  They will apologize for not speaking better English and I think shit I am in your country I should be apologizing to you! 

The language barrier has been the hardest part of my journey.  I love to interact with people.  I want to talk to the lady at the grocery store and say more than ‘hello’ and ‘yes one bag’, I want to ask my waitress how she is and actually understand what she is saying when she replies, It would be great if I could ask shop keepers for advice on clothes or where something is, It would be nice to not have to say ‘sorry I do not speak Spanish’ to every person who tries to talk to me.  It makes me fell stupid.  It makes me shy and introverted and has lead to me feeling isolated in my apartment because I do not want to deal with the feelings of inadequacy.

So here is where I get real and raw and honest and expose my flaws to you.  I have learned a lot about myself and about how I view the world and the people in it since moving here.  It has been eye opening and a real period of growth for me.   I never realized just how narrow minded I was about language. 

Coming from Canada I have been exposed to a multitude of different cultures, languages and accents.  I have become very accustomed to deciphering what people are trying to say to me when they are not speaking proper English or have an accent that is difficult to understand. This was especially the case during my time in Vancouver.  I have always been very accepting of everyone, I don’t care where you are from or what colour your skin is because that is silly.  I did however have a very negative attitude towards anyone who was in Canada and did not speak English.  I would never have said anything to anyones face or tried to make them feel bad about it but in my head I would think they were frustrating and wasting my time.  My attitude was always that I don’t care if you want to come to my country but learn to speak my language. 

I never realized how harmful that attitude was.  It was not until I was the one who didn't speak the language that I realized just how awful it makes you feel when someone gives you that look of frustration.  I truly hope I never gave someone that look.  Like I said I would never have given anyone attitude about not speaking English but I know I likely didn't have the patience I should have, I probably wasn't as helpful as they needed me to be and basically I just wish I could go back and be a better person to anyone who I unintentionally made feel bad.  I think I always tried my best to be helpful and did the best job I could to understand, but I am sure I had some moments that I didn't realize were so harmful.

Learning to speak another language is hard.  Probably the hardest thing I have done.  It is complicated to understand and make sense of the way people say things.  We have different expressions, use different tones, letters have different sounds and we place words in a sentence differently.  I have always heard that English is the hardest language to learn but I think any language that is not your first is tough.  It doesn't matter what it is so we should give people a break.  If you are attempting to speak another language and are in any way successful you are amazing and you should be proud of your accomplishments!

When people in Canada didn't speak English to me I never thought about how it must feel for them.  I only ever thought of myself and how I felt trying to understand them or serve them coffee when they did not know what to ask for.  It never occurred to me that this might be their first time ever attempting to go out in a place they had never been before, maybe they were alone and it took everything in them to be brave enough to even attempt to come into my store.  Maybe they had been in Canada for years but the language just wasn't sticking, not everyone is good at everything.  I never thought of the struggle they must feel being in a place where nobody understands them.  How hard it is to not only become accustomed to the way things work in a new place but be able to even read a menu or understand our door signs.  There are so many things we take for granted being in a place we are comfortable and we do not realize that being a foreigner is scary.
 

When you feel like you do not want to go out because if something bad happens you wouldn't even know how to ask for help.  When you are standing in line and somebody is yelling at you and you really have no idea why and you just feel scared and small and you want to run away.  When you say you do not speak the language and the person rolls their eyes or starts laughing with someone else and you are certain it is about you.  When all you want to do is explain that you are trying, but its so hard to think of the few words you might know on the spot and people are waiting, and you are feeling their impatience so you just smile and hold back the tears you know are coming as soon as you are out of sight. 

Sometimes I know the words but because I am thinking in my own language it takes a long time for me to word it properly in Spanish.  In these cases it is easier to just say I do not speak the language.  I panic and I sweat a lot and I smile like an idiot.  I know that it takes time and a lot of effort to learn how to effectively communicate in another tongue, but I have always been impatient and if something isn't working right away I tend to give up so it has been a struggle to keep going here and keep trying. 

I know I have learned a lot since coming here.  I can read Spanish fairly well although it may take a while to make sense of all the words.  I still cannot understand what people are saying to me.  I feel like they speak so fast and all the words all sound the same to me.  I still get nervous ordering coffee sometimes and asking for something in a store is out of the question.  It has been 7 months and I barely feel confident enough to know I am asking for the right amount of bags at the grocery store.  I hope it gets easier.  I hope I can at least have a moment here where I do not feel completely lost sometime in the next year and a half.

I feel like an asshole for every time I thought negatively of someone for not knowing how to speak English in my country.  What a shitty attitude.  I can say however that through this experience I have learned the error of my ways and I will never think like that again.  It is rude and so wrong.  There are so many other ways to communicate without words.  Body language, signing, looking and pointing!  Just smiling and letting people know that it’s OK if you don’t know all or any of the words because we can figure it out together.  This experience has given me a lesson in kindness and patience and seeing the world through someone elses eyes.  I always prided myself on being totally cool and open minded.  Turns out we can all learn and grow every day.  It is good to challenge our opinions.  It is a good thing to be humbled.  Sometimes we just need a good hard slap in the face to see where we could use some improvement.